Pregnant!!

I had just finished telling Martin that I think we shouldn't try anymore.  Afterall, I AM almost 40, and I DO have two beautiful children already.  We suffered two miscarriages within the last year.  One of them nearly killed me.  Do I really want to go through that again?  Take another chance?  Get my hopes up again?  So I told Martin I think he should make an appointment to get the vasectomy like we've discussed. 

Martin tells me that he will do whatever I think is best.  He just wants me to be happy (the man is an angel).  Reluctantly, I tell him to go ahead.  As deep as this longing for another child is, I know that  I'm the kind of person who can be happy again, even when things don't work out.

Later that day we're out shopping at Shoppers Drugmart.  I get one last pregnancy test, just in case.  Last month's period came early and was a bit lighter than normal.  You never know, right?  When I get home I pull the Clearblue digital pregnancy test stick out of it's pack.    I don't bother waiting to collect my morning urine which gives more accurate results or anything like that.  I just want to get it over with.  I don't want to be left wondering until my next period is due.  I can't stand not knowing.

I don't have to wait long. The indicator shows my result - Pregnant. A minute later it reads 2-3 weeks. It is December 18th. "Merry Christmas, Daddy!" I tell Martin.

Here we go again...