Frustrated by my Doctor's Office

Last week I called my doctor`s office several times to get an appointment, but all I got was the answering machine which does not take messages. This was not unexpected, it`s happened many times before.

I really need a prenatal appointment. I haven`t had one yet. I finally got a hold of them today but the receptionist told me that the earliest possible date I could get in was February 22. That`s almost four weeks away. I will be thirteen and a half weeks pregnant by then... in my second trimester. Plus I had really wanted an ultrasound.

I explained this to the receptionist, adding that I have a history of blighted ovum. I NEED to know whether things are okay. I`m a bit worried. That she could tell. But I`m also a bit stressed because at this time last year I went to the ER for bleeding. The ultrasound showed no baby so they gave me medication to get things moving along and sent me home to miscarry. But I bled too much and after blacking out Martin rushed me to th ER where I continued to hemorrhage - severely - and nearly died. I was given multiple transfusions, bags of saline, they were worried about tissue damage and stroking. Eventually I had an emergency D&C and spent the next month recovering. I do NOT want to ever go through that again. Miscarriage is hard. Miscarriage, nearly dying and leaving my children motherless is REALLY hard.

It took three hours and four phonecalls back from their end to finally get me an ultrasound. I don`t even have to go to the hospital. Apparently they have one in the doctor`s office every other Wednesday AND they had lots of openings. So what was the big deal?? Geez... To make matters worse, they couldn`t tell me anything about a nuchal transparency test, which can often diagnose, through an ulrasound, whether your baby has Down Syndrome, or a high risk of it. From what I have read that is often done around 12 weeks. And it`s a concern, given my age. But they couldn`t answer my questions about that, and told me they would call me back. Which they didn`t.

Anyway I am calmer, a bit excited but also scared about my ultrasound on February 9th. But at least I`m getting one. Vent over ;)

10 Weeks

10 Weeks today. Over the last couple of days my stomach has popped out a lot and my pants are getting tight. I am still four pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight, holding steady for about three weeks.

I have been lurking on a couple of pregnancy message boards lately. I am always amazed at the women on there who swear they can feel their babies kicking when they are no further along than I am. This week baby is about the size of an olive. I have read that they are very active at this stage. But how hard can it be kicking or bouncing around in there? I can't wait until I am able to feel it move around regularly, with certainty. That will give me much more peace of mind that everything is all right.

I still have not had my first doctor's appointment. Honestly, I think it's my fear that has kept me from making one. But I did phone repeatedly this week... only to get an answering machine that won't take messages, and to find out he is closed on Thursdays now, and that they took off early from work on Friday, so I haven't got through yet. But Monday I will make an appointment for sure. I hope he schedules me for an ultrasound soon. With my girls' pregnancies they didn't do any until 18-20 weeks. I need to know everything is okay.

My morning sickness has come back with a vengeance this week, but now the weird taste has faded. Not sure what to make of that.

As I have finally hit the ten week mark I had a bit of fun this morning and did the baking soda gender test. No fizz. That means it's a girl. I'll retest again in a couple of weeks and see if there's a difference.

I really don't care whether it is a girl or a boy. I just want a healthy baby. If it is a girl that would be great because they are so much fun to dress up and shop for, and I have the experience of having two girls. Plus Kylie and Emma want it to be a girl. Martin, like myself doesn't care. If it is a boy that would be equally fantastic because I've never had a boy and I would have a whole new bunch of experiences to look forward to. With the way my tummy has grown this week I am seriously wondering if it could be twins.... yikes!

9 Weeks

After nearly a month of sickness making the rounds in our house, we're finally almost back to normal. I'm feeling sooo much better. Even the morning sickness has eased up a little.

Today marks nine weeks of pregnancy over. Nearly a quarter of the way there. Baby is nearly a whole inch long and has fingers toes and eyelids now. It's really starting to look like a baby. It's amazing how something so tiny can make your entire body feel out of whack.

Since I first found out I was pregnant I've been able to feel a tiny bit of pressure down in my abdomen now and then. That feeling is steadier now. I haven't gained any weight yet. Actually, I've lost four pounds, which is hard to believe because I've been eating nearly every two hours to keep the nausea at bay. My breasts have gotten bigger but I can still fit into my bra. Other than that I don't really look any different yet. I'm a bit overweight though, maybe I just hide it well. I hope I can hide it for a few more weeks.

I am dying to know whether the baby is a boy or a girl. I wasn't able to find out, even with an ultrasound for my daughters. So I picked up a baby gender test called Intelligender Gender Prediction Test Kit. You add a small amount of urine to a cup with chemicals, and the results are based on the colour that appears - smokey green for a boy and orange for a girl. The results are supposed to be fairly accurate but they warn you not to paint the nursery based on them. The test is $22. I figured what the heck. But I have to wait until I'm at least ten weeks along to use it.

I've also been reading online about something called the baking soda test, where you pee on a small amount of baking soda. And if it fizzes it's a boy, and if not it's a girl. I've seen a couple of polls on pregnancy websites that look promising. Looks like fun. I'll have to try that one, too!

The House of Sick

A couple of weeks ago I came down with a sore throat that lasted a few days but nothing else came of it. No sniffles, no cough. Afterward I was left with a very slightly altered sense of taste, like when you have a cold sometimes, but I felt fine. I thought perhaps it was from the pregnancy. Then a couple of days ago I got hit with a full fledged cold. I wonder if this has been contributing to my tiredness. I hate being sick. Dealing with morning sickness is bad enough.

And to make matters worse the kids are sick, too. Emma's getting over hers, but I had to bring Kylie to the doctor. Poor thing has a chest infection. Martin, has fared the best. He seems fine, probably because he's away from us sick people for ten hours a day while he's at work.

I'm supposed to go to a bridal show tomorrow but I don't think I'm going to make it. I'm really leaning towards eloping anyhow, or doing something very low key. I'd rather spend my money on some house renovations and a honeymoon.

And speaking of honeymoons... Martin and I were thinking of having a May wedding, since I am pregnant now, versus having the fall wedding when we'd have a newborn. I wonder how much this wil limit us from honeymooning in certain places. I'll be six months pregnant by then. And how safe is it to fly when you're pregnant?

We had the whole thing planned.  We knew what we were going to say.  They never gave us the chance.  The conversation went something like this...

          Mom:  "Martin and I have some family issues we'd like to talk about."

          Kylie:  "Is it about the wedding?"

          Emma:  "Are you pregnant?  Are you pregnant?"  Jumps up and down excitedly.

So much for easing them into it.  They are very excited, especially Emma, my youngest,  She's picking out names, and we've downloaded a couple of baby name apps to Kylie's tablet.  Kylie is calculating how much she can earn babysitting.

I gave the girls a book called A Child is Born which shows the development of a baby from fertilization to birth through stunning photography inside the womb.  The pictures really are incredible.  I thought the kids would enjoy seeing what their baby brother or sister looks like and is doing at each stage.

I also got a book for myself, The Pregnancy Bible.  It's been a long time  since I've had a baby and I felt like I needed a refresher course.

I'm glad I told the kids.  It's great to be able to share the good news with the people I love best.  I love that they are so excited.

When to Tell Everyone

When do you tell everyone you're pregnant?

Having had to fake feeling wonderful to avoid suspicion for two days I am worn out and glad my parents are gone.  It would have been so much easier to tell them, I'm fine, really, I'm just pregnant.  I barely made it through supper on Sunday night.  I had a couple of moments where I nearly ran for the bathroom.  I couldn't eat as much as I normally would so I made some excuse about having made New Years resolutions to lose weight and cut back on caffeine.  I love my parents but was relieved they weren't staying long.  Only they decided to get a hotel and stay another full day.

They're gone now.  Now I can lounge around in my comfy pants and get things done between the bouts of wanting to hang my head in the toilet.  I am so grateful to have that luxury.  I am a stay at home, homeschooling mom.  I don't know if I could make it going to work everyday.  My hats off to the pregnant employed.

Being home all day with the kids has its own challenges.  My children are 13  and 10, old enough to pick up  on changes in Mom's behaviour.  They know I haven't been feeling good the last couple of weeks.  They think I have a bug.  I want to tell them that I'm pregnant but I worry that I might get their hopes up.  I miscarried twice last year.  Once at 12 weeks, at the time you figure you're finally safe.  We were just about to tell everybody that time, kids included, that we were expecting.  It's hard to know when to tell people. 

I am thinking I might tell the girls earlier this time.  Martin has tomorrow off, I think we should do it then.  Friends and family can wait.  As long as my kids can keep a secret.  That's another thing.  It's a pretty big secret to keep.  I don't think they would intentionally let the cat out of the bag, but they're still young.

As for everyone else, it's not that I don't want them to know.  It's just that it would be too hard to tell them I'm not pregnant anymore if something did happen.  And to hear their comments, their I'm so sorrys, their it's probably for the bests.  Honestly, the more I think about it I'd rather not tell anyone until it's obvious.  I might just do that.

Morning, Noon and Night Sickness

The past two weeks have been trying.  I've had a lot of morning sickness.  Not the kind where you suddenly feel sick and run to the bathroom, throw up and feel relieved.  Does that kind of morning sickness even exist?  Or is that Hollywood morning sickness, the kind you see in movies?  It's definitely not the kind of morning sickness that I have.  I have the all day, never goes away kind.  I am nauseous virtually morning to night, but  I can't get to the point where I'll vomit.  I've always had a strong stomach.  I can't make myself throw up even though I know I would probably feel better if I did.  I think I may have a vomiting phobia.  There's probably a word for that.

The things I normally love to eat I don't even want to look at anymore.  Like coffee and sweets.  Which is good, because I know those aren't the things I should be eating anyway.  But all sorts of smells are bothering me: the smell of the vacuum, the smell in the bathroom after someone brushed their teeth, my perfume.

To combat the nauseau I've been breaking my meals in half and eating twice as often.  If I keep something in my stomach all the time it doesn't seem to be as bad.  And I've been sipping water throughout the day, too.

This isn't as bad as when I was pregnant a year ago.  I began dutifully taking prenatal vitamins then but couldn't handle the iron.  So not only did I have morning sickness, but the high iron content made my stomach very sore and made it almost impossible to go to the bathroom on top of that.  That is why I haven't started taking the prenatal vitamins just yet.  Instead I've been taking folic acid.  I'll start the prenatals after my morning sickness is gone.  The doctor says my body doesn't need those large doses of iron just yet.

Today is not too bad.  I woke up feeling better than I have been lately.  I even gobbled down a couple of slices of French toast this morning.  I'm hoping it will last.  At least for the weekend.  My parents are visiting from out of town tomorrow.  They don't know that I'm pregnant.  Martin and I didn't want to tell anyone just yet.  We're supposed to be going out for Chinese tomorrow night.  I really want to feel good and not arouse anyone's suspicions.

Right now I will take advantage of this feeling-better day, get some housework done and get out and enjoy the nice weather.

Pregnant!!

I had just finished telling Martin that I think we shouldn't try anymore.  Afterall, I AM almost 40, and I DO have two beautiful children already.  We suffered two miscarriages within the last year.  One of them nearly killed me.  Do I really want to go through that again?  Take another chance?  Get my hopes up again?  So I told Martin I think he should make an appointment to get the vasectomy like we've discussed. 

Martin tells me that he will do whatever I think is best.  He just wants me to be happy (the man is an angel).  Reluctantly, I tell him to go ahead.  As deep as this longing for another child is, I know that  I'm the kind of person who can be happy again, even when things don't work out.

Later that day we're out shopping at Shoppers Drugmart.  I get one last pregnancy test, just in case.  Last month's period came early and was a bit lighter than normal.  You never know, right?  When I get home I pull the Clearblue digital pregnancy test stick out of it's pack.    I don't bother waiting to collect my morning urine which gives more accurate results or anything like that.  I just want to get it over with.  I don't want to be left wondering until my next period is due.  I can't stand not knowing.

I don't have to wait long. The indicator shows my result - Pregnant. A minute later it reads 2-3 weeks. It is December 18th. "Merry Christmas, Daddy!" I tell Martin.

Here we go again...